Man of the Matches
Well, I am not really sure how to start this, but in my attept to recreate the awesomeness, some of the feel might get lost. But anyway's here is just a little primer on what is about to take place. In the midwest, particularly in the Ohio, Kentucky, Indiana area they have Townships basically suburbs with shopping centers and such, kinda like all the little cities that make up San Francisco, just not as big. In each one of these Townships they hold various festival's for their community, or church or what ever. Basically its just an excuse for the town to make money off of people drinking beer and having a good time on the streets. Of course these mainly take place on the weekends and few on Thursdays, which is a know night for drinking, that's why they planned rugby around this schedule.
Anyway's, if you don't believe me (click here) see what I mean! I don't remember the exact day but I do remember it was a rugby day, and probably my greatest day ever! It started off by obviously waking up, but then heading down to our pitch in (Silverton) Cincinnati for a game against our rivals Dayton, oh by the way I played for the Cincinnati Kelts the local DIV2 Men's Team. I would have to say, they were sons of bitches. They were just about as bad as we were, but took dirtiness to a whole new level. Those who were there would tell you the same, as one of their props was probably the dirtiest bastard there ever was. If there was 40 scrums in our game he would try to head butt me 39 times, it worked for him once, and that's all I had to say about that. On with the story, well the details are a bit fuzzy but we beat them in a very close and bloody battle. As usual we were probably defending the lead with 3 min to go and they were pounding to take the lead. Blood and guts, we pulled it off. I don't really remember doing anything out of the ordinary, we all played like savages and no one really stood out more than anyone else, a win was a win. We didn't score much as West coast teams do so my guess would have to be 14-12 or something like that. Either way the ref blew the whistle and made it official.
After the typical cheer and hand shake it was off to hear Coach Joe congratulate us on the victory and pass around the bottle of Tullamore Dew. As I remember correctly Dayton yelled for us to get our B-Side ready, and as we peered to the sideline we only had like 10 guys ready to play, so for the first time ever I volunteered for a b-side game. As big as I am, I have to hustle enough in the first game let alone try and play two. Plus at the time we had plenty of front row, but I guess not this weekend. Anyway's, after about 4 shots off the bottle and a beer later I was ready for round two. Imagine 300 lbs at the time running for 2 or 3 try's and blasting the ball for touch 70 yards away, to secure the win. That's right the Kelts marked off two win in one day, hell probably the first win ever for the Killer B's. So to wrap this part of the story up I played well, we won two games I was a bit drunk by 3 p.m., I killed their Tighthead, made him my bitch and left for the aftermatch.
Chapter 2
As I remember correctly not too many of them showed up for the aftermatch, but that has never stopped the Kelts from some serious drinking and song. We knew we weren't the best on the pitch, though we gave it our all, off the pitch was another story. Never in my days of playing have I been around such fine alcohol consumers. I mean imagine the big barn at the Maggotfest vs. The Kelts and it might be close, I know, I know a bit of a stretch but I think you get the picture. Either way you put it The Kelts knew how to drink and sing, I mean these are the guys who were hosted by the Maggots and pulled off the best Beer Haka in ages. I'm getting off track here, so the food and beer was great then it came down to what most teams do, player awards. Basically its man of the match, and typically the winner has to drink out of some sort of container. Now this container can be a pitcher, a Yard Glass, a prosthetic leg as I have done in the past playing against Aptos RFC, or most commonly use the biggest smelliest rugby cleat known to man. In this case it was a full pitcher. Well when it was there coaches turn to choose man of the match for the "A" game, non other than your favorite was chosen! I was honored, but not enough because for the first time in history the Captain for the "B" game also chose me as man of the match. So now I was doublely honored, and there was no way in hell I was going to let my team down. Especially not after they game we played today. As I started on the first pitcher all was good, it went down quick. I've always said it is easier to drink beer quickly and in large volumes if you've already had a few. The second pitcher was another story, the first one filled me up, that and the typical pasta. But as I said before, I wasn't going to stop for nobody, and after a few more seconds the second was down the gullet and resting in the throat until my stomach made room for it. So now on top of being fat, drunk, and bloated I made it clear to all who "M.o.t.M" was, Me that's who! So to conclude this chapter lets recap on the events, 2 huge swigs of whiskey, about 14 pints of beer and a plate of pasta, 2 Man of the Match Awards and bragging rights.
Chapter 3:
So you might be asking your self what the fuck could possibly top that, well as far as I am concerned what was about to happen does! So then while I am starting to get tired from all the crap that has happend thus far, my boy Wax tell's me to hop in his tiny Poniac Sunfire and head out to Indiana for some town function in Lawrenceburg. Well being that I had no ride home and not a whole lot of money, I didn't contest. Plus knowing Wax, it was the redipe for a great time. Lawrenceburg, Indiana is just over the river from Cincinnati and its main attraction are their Casino Riverboats, Fun and more fun, but that wasnt our M.O. drinking and more drinking was! As we head over the river Wax proceeds to tell me what the fuck we were there for, and tell me we were on our way to pick up another rugger "Libert" he's another story in its self. Anyways, as he opens up the door a big smile comes acroos his face and we could tell something was up. He fills us in with all the details of what we had in store, basically we were going to a town festival and will be watching Steppen Wolf, you know, the guy who sings "Born to be Wild, and many many other songs" Needless to say we were there, and went to the beer booth right away. We had parked about 6 blocks away due to lack of parking and possibly fate. The beer booth charged $1.00 per tall can, thats right you heard it right Tall Can. And to top it off, the mayor of the town was the man working the Ice Chests, I shook his hand and thanked him for such an awsome event not even knowing what was to take place. Between the three of us we had spent $100 bucks and I didnt have the recollection to proove it.
Here are a few of the memories that I either remember or was reminded of later.
- I was told that I met all three black guys who lived in Lawrenceburg and talked about Catfishing and bought them a few beers.
- The Mayor came buy to see what the fuck was happenng where we where and he took a swig of our Whiskey, and aparently the beer for the rest of the night was free.
- I do remember headbanging to some of the music and falling down a few times from getting too dizzy.
- The amount of beer we were drinking attracted a bunch of locals to come and hang with us, including the local strip club owner who invited us back to hang with the girls, we forgot to. Plus do I need to remind you, it was in Indiana, lol!
